Could you imagine leaving your full-time job without a fallback plan? My client, Sophie Rebbeck did just that in her quest to redefine success and find a healthier work-life balance.
Tune into this episode to learn how she’s made the shift from being a self confessed workaholic to creating a new relationship with work, that leaves space for the things that really matter to her.
Inside this episode we discuss:
Ready to change your relationship with work?
Elevate The Mastermind is your pathway to calm, sustainable success.
We begin on 2nd November.
If you would like to join us click here: https://www.annabellematson.com/mastermind
Listen to Ep 38 on the podcast to get an inside look into the program & how it can help you.
Could you imagine leaving your full-time job without a fallback plan? My client, Sophie Rebbeck did just that in her quest to redefine success and find a healthier work-life balance.
Tune into this episode to learn how she’s made the shift from being a self confessed workaholic to creating a new relationship with work, that leaves space for the things that really matter to her.
Inside this episode we discuss:
Ready to change your relationship with work?
Elevate The Mastermind is your pathway to calm, sustainable success.
We begin on 2nd November.
If you would like to join us click here: https://www.annabellematson.com/mastermind
Listen to Ep 38 on the podcast to get an inside look into the program & how it can help you.
Hi, it's Annabel Matzin and welcome to the Steep your Soul podcast. Soulful guidance for women who are seeking deeper truth and meaning to their lives. If you're ready to move past what's been holding you back and awaken to your full potential and purpose in life, then let's get started. Hello, it's Annabel Matzin here and welcome back to the podcast I shared in a previous episode, the one just before this. I'm doing a bit of podcast editing today, so doing a few all at once that I'm on the other side or the tail end of a virus, so I'm sounding a little bit nasally, which doesn't make for amazing podcast listening. But I promise the episode you're about to listen to I recorded prior to getting sick, so it will sound a lot better. But I've just got a wee gap. We've been is here looking after my wee girl, eloise. So it's amazing how Stepping Into Motherhood has enabled me to really embrace doing things imperfectly when the time is available. So here we are. This is an episode with my beautiful client, sophie, and we've worked together for a number of years now. We've moved through a lot of stuff in this time and we've talked for ages about recording an episode together. I'm always so grateful to my clients when they're willing to come on and to share their experience on the podcast. I think it takes a lot of courage to do that because a lot of this work is really personal. So I just want to really thank Sophie for doing that, and it's amazing what happens when we share our story and our experience, how that can really serve and support and help other people. I really hope that this episode does that for you. There have been some really challenging periods over the time that I've known Sophie and she's leaned into these periods and made some decisions that haven't been easy but out of that has created such a healthy relationship with her work. So where once she would say she over identified with work and felt pressured to achieve in her work, she's now created her own definition of success, made a shift in her career and has slowed her life down to create space for more joy and fulfillment and for the things that really matter to her, which I think is such a brave and courageous act. She's forged a new path with consulting and has some amazing advice to give you if you're feeling stuck or you're ready for a change, ready to move from what's happening for you at the moment in work and in life, but you're not quite sure what to do. Sophie's been right where you were, right where you are, and she's moved through it, so I know there's going to be some wisdom inside this episode for you.
Speaker 1:Sophie has joined me most recently inside Elevate, the Mastermind. This is a four month journey with me where we create a path to calm, sustainable success. It's a place where you're going to redefine your relationship with work. Where work might have felt heavy and hard, once you're going to find it feels easier and lighter and you'll emerge from the Mastermind with a much more balanced relationship with your work. You're going to find you feel more relaxed and more at ease as you step into your next level of success and do things outside of your comfort zone, and you'll radiate a belief and confidence that welcomes in new opportunities and supports you to expand into your full potential. So, whether you're looking to reclaim your energy, balance your relationship with work, or you're ready to step into something new, into a new level of success, this program would be amazing for you. We start on the 2nd of November. The link below will tell you all of the information that you need about the program, so you're welcome to go and check that out. Also, check out Episode 38 on the podcast. That has an inside look into the Mastermind, what it's all about and how it can help you.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get into the episode with Sophie. Welcome, sophie, to the podcast. I'm so happy to have you here. We've been talking about having this conversation for a long time, so please that we're finally here having it. And you and I have worked together for many years now I think it's been probably four, maybe five years together and we've journeyed through a lot of different things in your life during that time, through changes that are life-level but your journey with lots of different things at work and, most recently, going into part-time work and starting your own consultancy. So this is so much of a goal that happens over that time that I hope we can cover in this conversation. So thank you for being here, sophie, and I'm so pleased we're finally doing this.
Speaker 2:Thank you. We are finally doing this and it's been a journey just getting to this and building up the confidence to share that story. So thanks for having me, and it's been really inspiring listening to all the other podcasts as well.
Speaker 1:Well, why don't we start off with you telling us a little bit about yourself before we go any further?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's always like a little bit of a dating profile, isn't it? Yeah, I'm Sophie. I'm quirky, I'm caring, I'm loyal. I think myself as a pretty open and honest person, which then hopefully encourages other people to be like that. You know, I love to travel, eat good foods, being at home, being in nature, being around animals. It's totally my side space and I'm really grateful for having amazing friends and family and the life that I've got. So, yeah, this is me.
Speaker 1:Love it Fantastic and, in a work sense, tell us a bit about what you do in that space as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I purposely didn't talk about my work as an intro, and I love that you purposely didn't. I think we are more than our work and that's been a really big hurdle for me. Like, my work was my identity and that's all I knew. I was a workaholic, I was a people pleaser, I was over-accountable, and so, yeah, it's been really hard changing from that workaholic and work being my identity. And who would I be without my work? So, yeah, yeah, that was a pretty big thing to change, but now I'm happy to say that I'm a part-time worker and had really good work-life balance. I am consulting in an industry that I love, working with people that are really fun to work with and really inspiring industry as well. So, yeah, I do really enjoy my work now because I've got that better work-life balance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fantastic, and that's been such a journey and I hope that we can go into a bit more of like how you've been able to create that, because I think if we went back to like so far four years ago to be able to tell her, hey, this is what life and work can look like, I think, without putting words in your mouth, that probably would have felt really out of reach for you back then I totally wouldn't have thought that it was possible, and even as I was going through it, I didn't think that it was possible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now I feel, as I've got the life that I want, which is great.
Speaker 1:Fabulous. So you referenced a bit about that just before. But why did you sort of paint a picture for us Like, where were you at prior to us, you and I, meeting those four or five years ago? What was kind of happening for you across life and work? What was happening in that space?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I've always kind of struggled to understand who I was and how I've been it in, and so you know that's why work was so important to me. It was my identity, as I said before. So I just threw everything at it. I was just kind of taking along in life Otherwise people pleasing, wanting to prove my worth, you know, trying to be hard, trying to be over account full, and I wasn't as filled as lost and unstaffed them. I really didn't know how to hit bun.
Speaker 1:So tell me, did you know that consciously, like when you talk about like I was over accountable for other people and I was people pleasing, and that kind of thing, like did you know that consciously, or did that kind of show up for you in a different way?
Speaker 2:I think it was. I think it was probably really brought to light when we started working together that it was like oh, that's what's going on, that's why I do that.
Speaker 2:So I, yeah, before we started working together, I wasn't good at acknowledging my emotions or acknowledging what was kind of going on and sweet things under the rug and kind of move on which Ended up Me sort of having you know, working to a stage and, and you know, leaving a job and I'd just be absolutely Exhausted. It was. It was a bit of a work pattern that I'd get into a job, I'd try and improve myself, work myself to pretty much death and, yeah, I'd just be Exhausted at the end of it. So I was a pattern that just kept reoccurring.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that speaks like a really important point, I think, because often I feel like the picture around Work-class villains or the stress that we experience at work, it runs much deeper than what we think and Really is looking at.
Speaker 1:What are the core patterns that are driving the stress and the pressure that I feel at work? And a lot of the time it is the patterns that you you've just said. But sometimes we're not aware of that immediately and it's not until we kind of Dive in and kind of perhaps go into our own inner work that we realize like, oh, actually this is the source of it, this is what's creating the stress and the pressure. And I think sometimes we're trying to deal with it on the surface level, like oh, let me just try and get away from work in good time or Let me make this shift or change or have a few more interests outside of work. But it kind of helps, but it doesn't address some of those driving factors around and how we're showing up to the work and the patterns that we're bringing to it. That can really contribute and create a lot of that pressure and stress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, like, as I said, I wasn't kind of acknowledging what was going on and it was only then, through working with you, that I started to Expose these different patterns. I guess, like that, you know, the people pleasing, you know a big one for me would not feel seen and heard, which was a inner child's sort of trigger made. But you know I Would. I'd find myself shutting down when I wasn't feeling seen and heard, but I wasn't allowing myself to be seen and heard either, like I wasn't even listening to my own Emotions and what was going on. So how could I speak other people to do that? So, yeah, that that was a really big one for me.
Speaker 1:Hmm, such a good point, and I think it's. But anytime we're not feeling like we're being heard, whether that's in a relationship or in a work setting, I think it's really powerful to ask that question, isn't it is? If I don't feel like I'm being heard or or recognized in the way I want to externally, where am I not doing that for myself? Like, where is that not occurring within myself? We are my not Hearing myself, spending time with myself, validating and acknowledging what's coming up for me, or being able to sit with and recognize my own value. Often we're externalizing that when it's not happening within ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, very much so, and I think you know we take on other people's thoughts too much. We take on what society says we should be doing as well. I, you know that that work side of thing, you know going back to the work side of things, like busyness, is a middle. This there's so many people look how busy I am, look at all these things. You know I'm so busy I can't do this and I can't do that. I'm so busy. It's such a middle that you know so many people we are, and you know, even in our family growing up, like you know, we would talk busyness, work hard, work hard, work hard. And it's like it's not work hard, it's work smart and and enjoy your life. Like my father passed away in his 20s and he was gonna do all these things when he retired. Yeah, he never got the chance to do that. So you know, get out and enjoy your life.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. Wow, such a powerful reminder around all of that. So if we just zoom back a little bit, what kind of why did it sort of feel like it was the right time to get some support, and Hit's gonna talk about how we got connected because the way, the fun memory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I've been asking my previous employer for a mentor for quite some time. That's me continuing to learn and grow is kind of what keeps me engaged, and usually when I'm I'm not challenging myself, that's usually when I move on to move on to another role, because I, you know, I need that stimulation. So you know, and I also keep thinking there was more to life, but not knowing what that was for me. So I was looking for clarity. Yeah, and I think it was back in 2019, my sister and him cousin had signed up for one of your programs and I invite myself along as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, was it was. It was our retreat, wasn't it? We would head a full-day retreat up on the hills. Yeah, but it was cloudy so we couldn't see anything, and I brought to this place because it had the most incredible views. Look at your B&B photos. And we didn't see a scrap of it on the day.
Speaker 2:Did me, because he was so much cloud up there, yeah, but yeah, I just really jailed with you like you've got a very calming, nurturing, inquisitive manner and it helped me feel out what was going on For me and, and, a bit away, the dealing with situations. So I just always felt extremely comfortable with you and you also had, I think, some very similar passions that you were working through, so it was a really good guiding light for me. So you just suited me so well and it worked really well. And so and other people in the past sort of said, I've tried coaches, I've tried mentors that hasn't worked with them. I just don't think they've found that that right person, that the beam that helps them Discover the that stuff themselves.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That's. That has got to be right, doesn't it? And there's I'm sure we've talked about this before Over the years, but there's that saying when the student is ready, the teacher appears I'm sure I've heard that from, maybe, wayne Dyer, and I've just found that to be so true in my life like, when we're ready, that the teacher appears, and whatever form that teacher needs to take, like sometimes it is a like a physical, like we're working with a mentor or coach, or it might be that we find that teacher through a book or you know, through some other resource, but I think it's.
Speaker 1:You know, we're in a place where we know things are stealing the way we want them to. It's so important that we set the intent, but firstly we to know that it's possible that things can change and that you're really Deserving of that change, and then to set the intention hey, I'm ready for someone to show me, to guide me through this, to show me how I can move through this, and to know that that teacher will appear and Whatever form they're supposed to, and whoever's, like you know, a good fit for you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely and even, like past relationships, have always sort of looked back and kind of said you know, what have I learned from this? So I do think we get you know different people coming into our lives for two different reasons, to take chance different things and and at the time that would be like God why the hell have I been given this person this so fun to deal with? It's the end of it going God. Thank God that person came into my life. I've learned to really valuable, really valuable lesson here.
Speaker 1:So, true and so like, the teacher can be someone that you know we're actively seeking out, but then the teacher can also be that person that triggers us the most, that there's something for us to learn, that they're marrying something, something back to us.
Speaker 2:Yeah and true and not all bad like that. You know, I remember when I was sort of in my twenties like I felt as though I went through quite a few friends and I thought it's really strange, like what's wrong with me. But I think I was just growing and changing so much and kind of I've outgrown the friendship, like I've got what I needed from from that and and we're done. But I remember thinking in my twenties like what's wrong with me? Like why have I? Why do I keep changing these friendships? It seems really strange to me. But yeah, I do understand that now and see, you know, the, the friends of family that have got in my life now are, it's been testing.
Speaker 1:I was listening to a podcast actually over the weekend and they were saying something about like everywhere, the bus stopped, someone has to get off, and also new people come on and that can be, you know, the journey of life. If we, we're growing and expanding, sometimes, yeah, there is a process of releasing people or things from our lives, but to know that we always welcome in new people, new things that really match the vibrational level that that we're at now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, nicely put. And I you know, I see a lot of people that are still friends with people because they they were friends with them in Framing school or high school or whatever, but they don't actually Value the relationship or get anything out of the relationship that they're kind of holding on with them because they think they should. Rather than you know. It's adding value to their life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and yeah, it can be a whole lot of stuff that can come with that, but I think it's just knowing that it, yeah, it is really safe for us to grow and evolve and for our relationships to to do the same. Yeah, so, just thinking back to some of those like initial few years that we worked together, what were some of the key pieces that you feel that we moved through together, some of the changes that you experienced that helped you in some of those earlier years?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've got a lot For. For me, some some really good ones were like learning how to to deal with different and difficult personality situations, conversations that I was facing yeah, um, you know, people are who they are and that's fine, and me personally, changing to learn to deal with those those types of things. So it's not about changing other people, which was the way how I usually tried to go about it, and I'd try and change and fix them, but it actually wasn't about them. It was me that it was affecting, so it was me that had to change.
Speaker 1:So yeah, what did that kind of look like for you? Like, if you if we're thinking about a difficult colleague or something, someone you had to work with what was that shift for you within yourself, do you think?
Speaker 2:It could be things like taking the emotion out of what I've actually said. I yeah sometimes what? What they don't you know what they've said or is not actually about you. They're going through something themselves.
Speaker 1:Yes, depersonalizing it. Yeah, they're personalizing it.
Speaker 2:Also, sitting back, like either the same before, like with my work, is very over-accountable and I'd try and Do other people's work because I just wanted the best outcome, but actually it was mine to mine to do. So you know you, you're teaching me about learning to sit back, like putting it back on them and, whether they wanted to, to come to the party and make it happen or not. So that that was another really valuable thing as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great.
Speaker 2:Learning, not having to do right all the time was really important as well Learning to let go, not having to control everything, that perfection, not having to be perfect as well. How would that show up to you? Just even with my writing, or even things like this, deleting some of the? I'm trying to make it perfect, trying to have the best outcome, but sometimes it's not about having it perfect, it's just about doing it, getting in and doing it, and being real, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Because I know that authenticity is like a really big value of yours. Yeah, it's so much more important that, a we get it done and, b that we kind of bring our whole selves to it, and our whole selves meaning the imperfect parts, the parts that aren't going to do it quickly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think seeing other people not having to be perfect then showed me that I could be like that as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's so important, I think, when we're in a position of leadership or some kind of visibility in our work, to express our humanness, to be willing to share things that we're working through or working on, to be willing to be seen imperfectly by others, because people are watching, whether we realise it or not, and it means that other people can look at our journey and say people looking at you, sophie, saying I'd love to be able to do that or I'd love to be there.
Speaker 1:But if you're not willing to show your humanness, people think, oh, but that's out of reach for me because I'm not perfect like Sophie. But if we break down the barriers, if we're willing to express and share our imperfections and the things that we're working through in our humanness, we break down the barriers to people to see oh well, actually Sophie has these things, she's working through. That means I've got things like that I'm working through. That's possible for me too. I can still get there because someone at her level, someone I aspire to be, someone who's an inspiration to me, she has all those things. So maybe it's possible for me as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think sharing being vulnerable has been really insightful for me, and all the conferences that I attend, the person that has shown their vulnerability has been the most inspiring. Speaking to me, to be that open and raw is just so powerful. I really admire people that do that, and they're usually the people that are trying to track down the conference and say that was absolutely amazing. So I think a lot of people can learn from that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I think we have to. In order to do that, we have to love those imperfect parts, don't we? It would be able to express them and to let them be saying we have to love and accept the parts of us that aren't perfect and to know that that's actually okay, because that's what it is to be human and to have the human experience.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We love our friends and family, and they're certainly not perfect, but we don't give ourselves that own satisfaction. We're so judgmental and hard on ourselves. Yet you wouldn't speak to a child or a friend in that way, so why do we allow ourselves to speak to ourselves like that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, another really interesting piece for me was when you bought up. You know what does success look like, and it's not what does society say success is. But what's success for you? You know it's not the money in the car and all of those things Like how do you want to be Like, how do you want to feel Like? That was really life-changing for me. Just, you know what does success look like for me and redefining that, that was really cool.
Speaker 1:And how did you redefine it? Like, how is it different now to maybe how you saw success in years gone by?
Speaker 2:It's having that work-class balance. It's being able to spend time with the friends and family, having that fun. It's knowing that I'm doing a good job with my role and things like that. It's not bringing in other people's thoughts. It's not having the salary that pays you this amount of money. It's not having the car, that's this particular brand. The materialistic stuff never should have been important to me, but you get sucked into what other people say. Success is.
Speaker 1:And I think, unless we're really intentional about what success is for us, we will unconsciously take on someone else's definition, or culture's definition, of what success is. And it's not to say the car, the house, the money and stuff. We shouldn't go for that. That is still worthy and amazing to want, isn't it? But it's knowing that success can be so much broader than that as well, like it's got to encompass more than money, more than our possessions. It has to be about what emotional experience do I want to have from life, because that's really where we start to dig into the purpose, like where we find purpose is in through that emotional experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and absolutely Like the tar in the house may be someone else's definition of success and that's absolutely fine, but not making it your definition of success, because you think it should be your definition, like really checking in with yourself and what is success for me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, such a powerful question and giving ourselves space to ask the question and then to that clarity to come you know it doesn't have to come immediately, but to really think. You know, if I didn't feel the pressure to live up to someone else's definition, or if I gave myself permission to really define this in a way that felt good to me and good to my body, what would success be like for me? And that can be like a great journaling prompt to sit with, to journal on, to come back to, to do further excavation on, because that's kind of the starting point of everything else. That's what generates clarity in our life. Isn't it about what needs to be a yes for us and what needs to be a no? And I'm going to take a step back from there.
Speaker 2:You know setting your goals. You know I know my sister hates getting goals and you know saying where you're going to be in five years time or what you're going to be doing, because life changes so quickly. But setting goals rather than, once again, you know what, you know how much money you're going to be earning and things like that, it was more. How do you want the role to be making you feel, what kind of people do you want to be attracting into your life? And more the feels of the things rather than the materialistic side of things. Like that was probably my first step of all getting to that. What success looked like?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Amazing Love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, another really important piece for me was learning to acknowledge my emotions. So that was huge for me, like I was always such the strong person that everyone else would come to and you know, as I was talking about before, not showing that vulnerability and I'd just get exhausted and I'd be tired. I wouldn't deliver messages or conversations in the best way. Now I'm trying to check in with myself, trying to acknowledge those emotions, make sure that I'm trying to get the rest that I need and not to judge myself for needing that rest as well, which was really really hard for me. And so when I do have to have those tough conversations, I gather my thoughts before I deliver them and I can deliver them in a calm but clear manner.
Speaker 2:This has meant that messages have been received compared to before. You know, often they'd end up offending somebody because I'd be at my wits end and just deliver it in completely the wrong way, or I'd raise my voice and so people just instantly shut down and don't listen or, you know, potentially end it in an argument. So you know, yeah, I think I would acknowledge my emotions, process them, making sure that I was getting the rest of before, you know, making sure that my cup was full, so that then I wouldn't get triggered by. You know potentially what someone said or something like that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely I love that. And then it also brings me another analogy. It's almost turning that on its head. It's like, you know, when you talk about the rest and prioritizing rest in your self-care, making sure your cup is full, so you're really coming from that full place into these interactions with others and then I always well, I really do kind of turn that on its head by saying, like, through processing our emotions, we're also coming to those conversations and those relationships, those interactions, with a cup that empty.
Speaker 1:You know, if we're dealing with difficult people at work or we just work in a fast-paced way, you know this can even be people we're dealing with you know, in our family as well and if we're not processing our emotions, our emotional cup becomes so full that it's spilling over, and then we go into some of these tricky relationships or dynamics and we just spill over with emotions. So, like I think just a powerful technique is absolutely to stick with our own feelings, to process and release them, so that we can come to these relationships, we can come to these conversations with an empty cup and be able to communicate from that place.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that was exactly where I was coming from. I was so burnt out that you know I'd go into these conversations and I wouldn't be in the right space to have them. So, learning to say we need to have this conversation, but I'm not ready now, yeah, catch up in a few days or whatever that, you know that was really good for me, like doing it in my time that suited me, not just because the conversation needed to be here, but like does it need to happen right now or could it wait for a couple of days when maybe we're both in a better position to have this conversation? You've taken the emotion out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, gold, I feel like that can be applied to any relationship you know, in a marriage, in a partnership, in a friendship, work relationships. You know, to not feel like we have to shoot from the hip all the time and be in this kind of urgent space where we always have to respond just because someone's wanting a response, to know that there is value in being able to step away and to take our time.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and you touched on it just before. Like you know, these skills are transferable. So you know some of the things I've learned from you. It's been okay. It's about this situation here that I'm learning these skills, but then I've been able to transfer them from work to home, to you know whatever, and that's been really great. How would I adapt this for this situation? How would I adapt this for that situation? And I know when you went on maternity leave, I was like, oh shit, the training wheels are coming off. How am I going to cope without you? But you know I was. I had some pretty big pieces that came up when you were on maternity leave and I was so proud with how I did, you know, approach those situations. But I wouldn't have changed anything about how I approached them. I really aced it and it was so rewarding to like shit situation, but so rewarding to see that work pay off. So, yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I loved hearing that as well when you updated me about that.
Speaker 2:Amazing.
Speaker 1:Anything else you want to share. We kind of moved to like present day, where you're at, but more pace which is really weird.
Speaker 2:So I was always in such a rush and such a hurry, you know, on the rat race and you know, working with you. I even, you know, just saw that I swiped down so much Like even my walking through the corridor. It was always a fast walk but it was actually really casual, like I'm now so much more chilled. But yeah, I still see people rushing around and it's like you know that, on that hamster wheel of rushing and having to get this done and just learning to just slow down and smell the roses, things like that, it's been great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it can be in those ways, isn't it? It's like even thinking about driving to work, like actually driving to the speed limit.
Speaker 1:And then as we walk into work, like you say, like walking at a nice slow pace, and you know, when we go to the we're making a cup of coffee in the morning. Like we just do that in a slow, mindful way. Like all of those things start to stack up over the course of the day, don't they? How we're doing small things really adds up to our overall experience of the day. And like, even like being mindful of our language, like sometimes I'll notice saying something like let's just quickly do, and then I'm like, oh no, we're not going to quickly do anything.
Speaker 1:We're doing this you know like, and it's just getting rid of that, the energy of urgency and what we do, and just slowing it down. It can happen in such small ways, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just, I'm just so much more present now, which is great, like a wall. I actually stopped lunch times now, which I never did. I never had the time to. Yeah, I'm just going sitting out in the sun and chilling with the pussycats eating my lunch. It's fantastic, yeah, Love that.
Speaker 1:So if we zoom to present day, sophie, and where you've got to, I feel like you know we could talk for several hours for the course of kind of what's happened over four years. But Talk me through a little bit about your decision to leave your full time role and go part time and set up your own consultancy. Tell me a bit about, like, how that came about and maybe the some of the things that came up for you when you were making the decision.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I never planned to work that time and I had quite a bit of resistance to it. I just kind of fell into it. But now I absolutely love it and I don't think I'd even go back to full time work. I'm so much happier. I've got a great work life balance and I have everything that I need Like I don't need to work full time to have more money to do what with the money. So you know, I'm in a really great position and really grateful for that as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my previous role was working really long hours. I was giving absolutely everything to my work and at the end of the week I was absolutely exhausted. Well, the end of the day I was exhausted, the end of the week I just couldn't function. No energy. So that's for myself, for my friends, my family, the fun, let alone those chores that you need to get done in the weekend. Like I was just spent and I felt as though that I was a broken shell of myself and I know you know this isn't unique Like so many people do that. But I just had enough and I didn't feel that that was what life was for me anymore and I want to move myself.
Speaker 2:So I left my role for various reasons. I'd grown it, I'd been there for seven years, so it's not like it was a short time, but I didn't want to be treated that way anymore. There's Rebecca Campbell Slices the new black book, and I love this one of the chapters in there. You are the energy of the five people that you spend the most time with and outside of work. I surrounded myself with empowering, kind people and at work that just wasn't ace and it was just draining me and I got to the point where I deserved better. So I also felt as though I was working against some of my values, which became harder and harder for me as I continued to work with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and it ended up being actually quite a few things, not just one thing, and I guess I had a little bit of fear in there of, you know, if I move on to the next role, am I just going to get faced on, you know, faced with the same kind of problems? So I had to work through that with you a little bit as well, and in the end I actually walked away from my job without having another job to go to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which was? A huge leap of faith, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I decided I needed to lay before I could apply for roles, because I really don't want to take that energy of the past row on onto the new one, because I knew that wasn't who I was and I didn't want to come across that way. Yeah, so that was really important for me. And then I had to work through what other people would think about me leaving without having a job to go to.
Speaker 1:Yes, and how did you move through that Like what was? How did you overcome that?
Speaker 2:do you think Working with you a lot? But yeah, I mean, my friends and family were amazing at supporting me and I should have known they would, because you know they're awesome people and they want the best me and could see what the job was doing to me. Yeah, you know, I did have various people that put their own fears on me, like what if you don't find another job. So I had to learn to parent myself through that, of course, with the help of you, Learning to be comfortable with sleeping into the unknown.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and to not make it a bad thing. I mean, I talk rather so much on the podcast that not knowing something does not equal bad things are going to happen and we don't have to have an answer to absolutely everything all the time. I mean, that's just not the reality of life. It's really safe and okay for us to sit in uncertainty and unknown in some time, and it's it's really creating this. The uncertainty in the unknown creates space for the new, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And it's what's in the dark, like what, what, what are you afraid of? That in there that you, you know, you don't know what's going to potentially come up. That's what's fearful. And how, how are you going to deal with whatever comes out? But you know, you always do deal with it.
Speaker 1:You just you step into, you step up and you just deal with it Absolutely, because, like you know, we can all look at things from our past where there's been situations where we didn't know how something was going to work out or how we were going to overcome something. Yet we did, because we're still here, we're still breathing, we're still alive. So you're absolutely right, like we're way more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, and we do find a way to move through it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so, yeah, it was also not not forcing what I thought needed to happen and the time frame that I wanted it to happen at as well, which is huge yeah.
Speaker 2:So I just had to trust that I was doing the right thing for me and I knew that I can turn my hand to most things. You know I've got good work ethic. I deserve the best. And you know, found out that the people that maybe weren't that supportive they were just placing their fears on me. They weren't brains of minds, so why was I placing so much value on what they were thinking? I had the right thoughts that I needed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's where our focus needs to be, isn't it?
Speaker 2:And then I sort of wrote down what I was looking for in that next role, just to be clear of, you know, the type of role that I was wanting to attract in, like, how did it, how did I want it to make me feel? What industry was it that I wanted to be working with? Who were the? You know, I wanted to be working with empowering and engaging people when you know things like that. So I then put up on LinkedIn that I was leading my current role of yeah, my current role when I was looking for work and I had several people reach out to me instantly and I walked into a job a week after I left my last role. So that's amazing that. Look at all these people that care for me and want to help me, you know, move on to that next position. So that was really awesome, cool.
Speaker 1:So great to witness, isn't it? It's like you knew that and like we did a lot of work around you deepening into that trust, knowing that there was something else that was going to show up for you, but to then be able to witness that actually materialize and manifest in your life is really cool, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the great thing was that I was working in the same industry where I've got a really great network and I work with fantastic people in an exciting industry. So I ended up nabbing a job that had all the best bits of my old role but it's more diverse. So it keeps me interested because I'm always learning new things. But they only wanted a contractor and part-time and I'd never even thought about contracting and the negative thoughts of what could I possibly offer. Anyone came in and I'd never thought about working part-time either. So you know, I was busy trying to find other work to do alongside this other awesome role that I've been given, because I couldn't just work part-time. Like you know, you keep saying to me but what if you could be?
Speaker 1:And I remember asking you that the first time, like could we just like for one moment, just consider what it would be like for you to work part-time, and I remember stealing the resistance that you had around it. And then I think we revisited it not long after and it's like you'd moved through it to get like to come to this, like actually, maybe this could be okay for me.
Speaker 2:It was. Yeah, as I said it was, work was my identity. So who was it going to be if I only worked part-time? Yeah, what would people think if I only worked part-time? It's not like I'm busy raising a family or something like that, so what gave me the right to only work part-time? So, yeah, that was. That was quite a hard piece for me to work through, but I just kept finding myself turning down these other roles that kept popping up. They weren't either the type of job that I wanted to do, but I also actually didn't have the capacity to work full-time. That's what I discovered. Like I was so broken after the last role I really needed a lot of time, and it was a lot of time to build myself up again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so exhausting, and so I had to give myself a lot of love and compassion and spoke to myself the way that I would have dreamed that was going through something similar and if I wanted to support them and really learning to be patient with myself and just give myself what I needed. At that point and I know the patience thing for me was a really hard piece I came back to you, like you know, sort of four or six months later and I'm like why am I still not myself? Like it was quite frustrating that I hadn't bounced back. It took me huge strain out on me.
Speaker 1:And it really like just looking at the amount of time it took you to recover. It really spoke of the kind of the level of impact that that previous role had had on you, that the amount of burnout that you were experiencing. That, I think, was much more than you were able to consciously recognise or acknowledge.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. But you know, going through that has taught me some great lessons as well. And you know I've had another couple of events, you know, this year which I've been able to deepen into from from what I learned, you know, leaving that job. So you know once again that transferableness of the skills that.
Speaker 2:I've learned with you and adapting them to other areas of my life. So so, yeah, by contracting and working part time was wasn't exactly. Yeah, wasn't what I was expecting, but it was exactly what I needed, and I just didn't know it. So, yeah, I'm just so much happier now and I've got everything that I need, like I've got more flexibility, I'm doing work that actually spins my wheels, and I get to work with people that I want to, not because I have to, and working areas that align with my values.
Speaker 1:So, amazing, sophie, and like if someone is listening who perhaps was, is where you were feeling really burnt out and stuck in their role, wanting a change but not being able to see what the change is or how they could even create it like what it by except. What would you say to them?
Speaker 2:stop this breath like try and get out in nature and just really, you know, create that space to allow that clarity to come through. So, you know, ask yourself those hard questions of what is it that you want, what is it that you need right now? And you know, if you can't get that from others, give it to yourself. Like you know it's important to be your number one supporter and to give that kind loving compassion to yourself. But you know we do that for our friends and family but we don't do that for ourselves.
Speaker 1:So yeah, just really work out what it is that you want and just do it Just take like the faith and to know that you know, on the other side of that, like there's so much you know.
Speaker 1:But I think, firstly it is the space. It's even in amongst a role where perhaps you're being really stretched and the demands are really high, it's being able to find, yeah, can I create some space for myself in the evenings, in the morning, perhaps a lunch break, like looking at these small moments to create space, because that's when the clarity flows to us, is when we're able to create those pockets of time, of spaciousness. So it's, you know, being able to do that, I think, take care of ourselves through that, you know, before anything changes. But I think you know your experience just shows that it's so possible, it's so possible for the things to change. You're a living, breathing example of that. So to really believe that if you are in a place that feels really hard and really challenging and you just frankly over it, to know that a change is 100% available and possible for you and that you can create it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't put up with it you deserve more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't put up with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and show the world that you're not going to put up with it anymore. And also don't don't deal with it all on your own as well. Like so many people go. I don't want to share this, I don't want to be a burden, and it's like your friends and family would hate to know that you're, you know, going through something harder by yourself than they are. Friends and family for a reason they want to.
Speaker 2:They want to be there to help and support you, so you know, share, as things are difficult and hit those conversations as a set like vulnerability is such a strength. So yeah don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1:So true, that's such a great point and just conscious of time, I've got to get at least done for a sleep shortly. We can talk for ages and it doesn't value your perspective so much and like you've just got so much wisdom to share. Most recently you've joined the mastermind, so we've kind of worked together one on one for a majority of our time together. But most recently you joined my mastermind and I guess it would be great to hear from you like kind of what drew you into that experience? Because obviously the mastermind is a group container so we have not only the kind of coaching, teaching element with me but you get to join a small, intimate community of other women who are working through similar things. So I guess what drew you to the mastermind and what kind of comes through that program or experience for you?
Speaker 2:Well, firstly, I'm addicted to you. I've just seen how much I've grown and changed over the years from working with you and I just wouldn't stop this work for anything. It's meant that I wanted and expected more from people in situation as I've been doing this work and, as I said, like I've outgrown some relationships and businesses, but I don't regret that. There's those relationships of two purposes and taught me a lot, but I just outbrew them. So I think we get complacent and settled in life. We should want more for ourselves and when you do this work, you realise that you are worth it. So some of the stuff I've enjoyed in this mastermind is the least work. I just bought a house and when the course started I was getting really worried about finances, and so the belief work really helped create some safety and was able to help me work through that fear of finances or what.
Speaker 2:I thought was lack of finances. I also found I started journaling too, which was always I had such a resistance too, but it's been a great way for me to work through my emotions and allow my inner child to be heard. And the great thing also about the mastermind is you said it's a group session and you always attract clients that are similar, and so you create a really safe space for people to be vulnerable, share what they're going through, and I've really enjoyed the group and the chats that we've had.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amazing, that's a long one, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I have some conversations with some friends that are similar to the kinds of things that will bring up in that group, but it's really not common and it was just making me think on it. I need to hang out with more people like this, like it's just a really great space to be in, and so, yeah, it's great that we're also open and honest and it's just inspiring to be in a group of ladies like that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and we realize that we're not the only ones that are moving through things that, you know, whilst the expression of it in our lives might be different, there's so many commonalities between us and I think just that realization alone, like, oh, I'm not the only one, is really healing and transformative in and of itself, and that's why I love, you know, being able to create those communities and to bring people together, because it can be so healing and can change so much for us when we realize that, yeah, beautiful. Okay, is there anything else you'd like to share before we finish up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, just that this work can be hard. So you know, as you decide you're going to work on something, that lessons will keep popping up. And it's hard when you're loving it, but when you come through the other side it's just so rewarding. And I've been really proud of myself and how I've handled some of the situations of managed to turn unproductive people around, painful relationships with colleagues and functioning ones, and stand up for myself.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, it's been really, really rewarding and, as I said, like I wouldn't stop it for anything, and I can say. Why a lot of people don't do this work is you have to be vulnerable, which which a lot of people see as a weakness, but you need to face your emotions, work through them. So many people put their head to the sand and I'm so grateful for this work. It's been absolutely life changing for me. So, yeah, thanks, annabel, for being there with me.
Speaker 1:Well, you're so welcome. Thank you for letting me come on the journey with you for all of these years. It's just been so cool to see, sort of year on year, how much you know. The work continues to deepen for you and you start to apply it in different ways and, yeah, it's just incredible to witness. So thank you for letting me part of the part of the journey and thank you for sharing your experience on the podcast too. I know that there's there's people that need to hear this, to see you to be that demonstrator of what's possible and what's available, like on the other side of that burnout at work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, yeah, if it can help someone, then that's always a great thing, like I love being able to help people. So, yeah, help change one person's life, then that's awesome. So, yeah, thank you. Thanks, sophie.
Speaker 1:I hope you enjoyed this episode with Sophie and me. If you know a friend or a colleague who might benefit from this episode, I would love if you shared it with them. If you're new here, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and have a browse through the podcast feed and see if there are any other episodes jumping out at you that might have something to offer you. And if you're interested in joining us for elevate the mastermind, this is the place for you if you want to step into calm, sustainable success. So if you've ever felt the weight of burnout, the struggle of self doubt, the pressure to constantly hustle for success and that next thing, you can think of the mastermind as a sanctuary for you, a place for you to take a deep exhale and where you're going to fundamentally change your relationship with work and success. You're going to create a whole new way of creating career achievement in a way that really honors you and your body. You'll develop deeper belief in yourself and your skills in a way that not only makes work for a whole lot easier, but you're going to start to see new opportunities flow in as a result. It's the place to be if you want to expand into your potential, but do it in a lighter, calm and more sustainable way.
Speaker 1:I've recorded a podcast episode, episode 38, that discusses in a bit more detail about the mastermind, how it works and what it can do for you, so if you're interested, you may like to check out that episode. Also, click the link below where you can head over to the page that has all of the details about the program. There, too, we start on the second of Roe Vienbaugh. Would love to have you join us if it feels like a fit, and I look forward to connecting with you in another episode.